On Mother’s Day weekend, Felder took the gloves off for his latest celebrity client, New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. He blasted the mayor’s estranged wife, actress Donna Hanover, as an “uncaring mother” who’s been “howling like a stuck pig.” After slamming Hanover, Felder attempted to tug at New York’s heartstrings with an account of Giuliani’s lonely struggle with prostate cancer. He chronicled Hanover’s many “cruelties” during the mayor’s treatment ordeal, such as her early-morning workout routine, which makes it difficult for the mayor to get much-needed rest. “At 5 a.m. she started with the machines, the exercising,” Felder said. He also revealed the mayor’s posttreatment impotence and said that Hanover left the mayor to clean up his own vomit when he was sick from his medication.
Felder has expressed no reservations about his tactics, which he thinks have rattled Team Hanover. “I was told their forces were in disarray,” says Felder, who had supported a gag order on both parties until the tirade. “This is hardball in the big leagues here.” While the mayor later called Felder’s remarks “harsh,” he probably provided the juicy material.
Once tagged “Captain Divorce” by Vanity Fair, Felder has plenty of experience in the celebrity death match. He represented Robin Givens in her divorce from Mike Tyson, Larry Fortensky in his proceedings against Liz Taylor, and Brazilian model Luciana Morad in her paternity suit against Mick Jagger (whom Felder refers to as “the wrinkly rocker”). His client list also includes Johnny Carson’s first wife, one of Martin Scorsese’s four ex-wives and Mrs. Joseph Heller. Most of his clients have walked away with hefty settlements; most of their former spouses were left nursing their battle wounds.
Felder’s appetite for publicity and self-promotion rivals that of his Hollywood clients. He hosts a weekly radio show, and during Robin Givens’s divorce, he appeared on “Geraldo” to trade verbal blows with Mike Tyson’s manager. Being a Felder client isn’t a prerequisite for his involvement in a divorce: he routinely inserts himself in other celebrity divorces by appearing as an “expert” on cable networks. During Woody Allen’s split from Mia Farrow, Felder boasted “I guarantee you that I’m on television so much that three months from now, the public will think I represented either Allen or Farrow.”
While gag orders have kept Felder’s razor tongue reined in during many of his celebrity cases, he’s provided plenty of general observations on the subject of celebrity divorce over the years. Here are a few choice pearls of Felder divorce wisdom.
On celebrities: You can’t fawn over a celebrity. Most of them are narcissistic, self-involved, with little insight into what’s going on in their life. You have to be able to tell them off.
On unfair prenuptial agreements: We’re entitled to make unfair deals. The law says we can make as many bad deals as we want. Fair is not the hallmark.
What’s printed on pens he’s handed out to clients: Sue someone you love
On the difference between himself and Danny DeVito, who plays a sleazy divorce lawyer in “The War of the Roses”: My feet touch the ground when I sit.
On what ends a marriage: Cleaning teeth is a big turnoff once a marriage goes sour. So is belching. You’d be surprised how little it takes. But once the Rubicon is crossed, there’s no going back.
On pets as victims of divorce: In various cases, I’ve had a cat in a washing machine and a cat in a microwave. They were intentional acts, to get back at the spouse who took primary care of the animal. The one in the washer survived.
On the recession: On the cusp of bad times, there will frequently be an uptick in divorces. Hard times are heading down the road, and the wives want to jump ship before it starts sinking.
On the sexes: Most divorces are sought by women. The reason is, women are like a Stradivarius violin: They have to played right, kept at the right temperature, the right humidity. A man, what’s the difference as long as he gets his beer and his “Monday Night Football”? And they have a girlfriend on the side. Two girlfriends. It doesn’t matter.
On marriage: I’m still a big proponent of marriage. Sometimes it works. Besides, if I said anything else, I’d sound like the tailor who advocates nudism.
On Hillary Clinton: The job she should get is the cigar concession at the White House. As long as the president stays healthy, given his turnover rate, that’s a job where she could really make an honest buck, and she wouldn’t even have to tell any lies to earn it.
On why celebrity marriages fall apart: They are not like you or me. It is very difficult because they are dealing with a third entity-what the public perceives of them. Their careers are important to them, they travel all the time, they are attractive and there is not shortage of people of the opposite sex wanting to play ball with them, or whatever it is they do. It’s very difficult to sustain a marriage under these circumstances.
On his $500 per hour fee: That’s just the price of admission. You expect a bonus if you do a good job.
On his tactics: As long as it’s not illegal, immoral, unethical or fattening, I do whatever I have to do.
On how he’s managed to stay married to the same woman for nearly 40 years: I don’t really believe in divorce. It’s too expensive.
