Over the years, I’ve grown to understand how important being a funeral director is. It’s wonderful to be able to spend my career helping people. But there are some challenges.
The emotional stress that we often feel when helping families who have lost loved ones is difficult. We are not desensitized to it; at least, I am certainly not. I find myself sharing the grief of the families that I work for while trying to help them plan a funeral.
When I see a family grieving the loss of a child or an unexpected death, it’s challenging because it emotionally impacts me, too. I feel that we have a great responsibility to these families. But on the other side of that, the gratitude they typically express towards us is the best feeling for me.
I’m very detail-oriented and my job is to make sure that everything runs smoothly for the family that I am working with. It’s incredibly rewarding to see a family be at ease after a funeral, knowing that they did not have to be burdened by planning a funeral alone.
The strange requests that I’ve received over the years
Over the many years that I have been a funeral director, I have had some unusual requests.
I once walked into a preparation room where a woman had been embalmed. There was a little box next to her feet that I had opened. Inside was a little white Poodle. I didn’t know at the time that her wish was to be buried with her dog. But her dog was still alive.
At first, I was very surprised. I thought: “Why on earth is there a living dog sitting here in this box?” If the dog had recently died or been put to sleep, it would have made more sense for it to be in a box. But there it was, alive.
I later found out that the dog was euthanized so that it could be buried with the woman. From what I can remember, this dog was extremely old, and it would sleep at the woman’s feet for 15 years or so, so she wanted to be buried with the dog at her feet, too.
Another strange request that I had occurred at a funeral viewing. Usually, the person that has passed away is dressed in a formal suit. But one family wanted this person to rest eternally in the comfortable, everyday clothes that he liked to wear around the house: Soft jeans and a sweater.
So, we dressed the person that had passed away in a formal suit for his funeral viewing, but as soon as the minister concluded the service and everybody went outside, we closed the doors and very quickly changed this man out of a suit and into a pair of jeans, a sweater, and comfy socks. After doing this in the space of a few minutes, we placed him in a hearse.
I’ve also heard of strange requests in the U.S. from other funeral directors. There was a gentleman in Pittsburgh who wanted to be embalmed in his recliner with a Steelers game being broadcast on the T.V. in front of him. So, he was embalmed and laid in his recliner chair, instead of in a casket.
I even heard of a man who was somehow embalmed and mounted onto his motorcycle. I don’t know how the funeral directors managed to embalm him in a way where he could sit on a motorcycle, but they did it, which must have made his family very happy.
Protecting families as funeral directors
I was recently appointed President of the National Funeral Directors’ Association (NFDA), which has allowed me to connect with funeral directors and grieving families across the U.S.
As a member of the NFDA, I have access to the largest network of funeral service professionals in the world, which has helped me bring families a peace of mind during stressful and tumultuous times.
I hear of many tragic deaths that have occurred through suicide and homicide. We do not ask families about their situations, but sometimes, we end up hearing secondhand about what occurs.
Some deaths even reach our local news in Baltimore. One, in particular, was about a guy who, after doing some petty bad things, ended up sadly taking his own life. The family had asked us to not answer any questions from the press and it was our job to also protect them. So, we refused to answer any questions from the press and did our best to accommodate them in planning his funeral.
I have also realized that funeral homes become busier right after the holidays. I don’t believe that we get to control when we die, but there also seems to be a pattern. Elderly people tend to hang on for one last holiday with their families and then let go.
Our funeral home this year is a perfect example. From December 22 to December 25, we had one death but the week following Christmas, we had 11.
More deaths also tend to occur in colder months than in summer. That’s because typically, for a younger person, it’s easier to contact a doctor and pick up medication from a pharmacy when they catch the flu around winter. But for a very elderly person, cold weather can lead to a harsher illness like pneumonia, as an elder person has a weaker immune system.
No burial request is too weird
Currently, many people are looking to take a different approach when it comes to memorializing a loved one. Funerals are not as traditional because there are many ways of celebrating someone’s life.
I feel there is a perception that funeral directors only know how to handle traditional funerals, but the truth is, we are keeping up with the trends and the changes in how families choose to memorialize their loved ones—and we embrace it.
I like being able to say yes to a family and most funeral directors are like that, too. Sometimes, families may also be a little hesitant to request things from us. They may sometimes ask: “Is that weird?” But I’d say, don’t worry about being weird, do what works for your loved one, and a funeral director will certainly help you do it.
Jack Mitchell is a funeral director with Mitchell-Wiedefeld Funeral Home in Baltimore, Maryland. You can find out more about him here.
All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.
As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.
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