I was described as a happy and bubbly kid, and despite being bullied a lot for my weight, any feelings of sadness would normally drift away a few minutes later.

Then, as I was about to turn 14, my mom passed away due to a heart attack. The doctor said it was rare for someone her age to die from one, as she was young. I remember the moment I was told she passed away because I thought it was a huge, cruel joke and that everyone was lying. But instead of laughter there was crying. I have never cried as hard as I did that night. I was in complete disbelief.

A few weeks later, I still felt numb and lost. I also felt bad that I hadn’t cried as much as everyone else, and somehow I felt as if my mom knew. I isolated myself and developed a habit of closing my bedroom door a lot, which worried my dad. My sister has autism and nearly every day we had to remind her that mom wasn’t coming back. I did my best to help, but during that time we were all struggling.

When I got back into school everyone seemed to know what had happened, even the kids who bullied me, and a lot of people were supportive. But I realised that I had forgotten who I was in the time since my mom’s death, and I struggled with feeling settled in my identity.

Time passed and soon I was 15 and going into freshman year in the U.K., but I felt lonely. My dad had moved on with someone else and his girlfriend and her kids had moved in. I felt unwanted and powerless.

Back at school the bullying got worse. A few people had told me that a boy in my English class “liked me”, but he kept fat-shaming me. He would laugh at my legs and whisper remarks to the class, which meant I had to see other students giggling about me almost every day. This bullying continued until I finished high school at 16.

I would still feel hopeless and depressed. In classes where I got bullied I would struggle to hold in my tears and anger, and then those feelings would pass over to the next lesson leaving everyone around me confused. I struggled with severe suicidal thoughts during that time.

When I turned 16, I moved in with my aunt. Living with my aunt was fun but not easy. Although we did have a bond similar to that of a mother and daughter, she also had high expectations of me, and our thought processes were very different which would stress me out a lot. I often felt sad and hurt, and I realized that no one was ever going to replace my mom. I felt lonely and misunderstood because of how different I was to everyone else.

Despite being bullied and dealing with the grief of my mother’s death I began drawing, and it soon became a habit. I would draw every day, during class and lunch and even when I was supposed to be sleeping. It helped me get through the day and it was great distraction from reality.

When I began college at 16, my moods continued to be up and down. I’d feel sad, angry or happy all of a sudden—it was, and still is, exhausting and confusing.

It could make me angry at my family and friends, or make me feel like I couldn’t get up in the morning—sometimes I’d have to email my teacher or text my group and say that I wasn’t coming in for a lesson, or the day.

Around that time I started to really develop another creative outlet that has helped and empowered me over the years: my poetry. When I was younger I didn’t really take poetry seriously. In fact, I actually hated the word—I always thought you had to make every word rhyme to try and make poems sound “sophisticated.”

Then an English teacher explained to me that poetry doesn’t have to be like that—it can be about how the words you write sound when you say them out loud. The same teacher insisted I join the spoken word club, and I came to love poetry.

I started writing my own around the age of 14, but it wasn’t until I was 16 that I had my first performance in front of a real audience. People loved my work—I always get compliments about my words and how I perform.

Although I’m 18 now, I still struggle with my mood swings and having the motivation to do simple things a “normal” person can do. I have had some support for my mental health from the children and adolescent mental health services (CAHMS) in the U.K. and will soon be referred to another organisation.

After having therapy through CAHMS I felt so much better about myself—I was given ideas to boost my mood and understand myself a little better. It’s always good to seek professional help.

Looking back at what I have been through has inspired me to try and help those who struggle with mental health and a lack of confidence. In the future I want to have a business where I can create a safe space for those who can’t find one and provide help and advice.

My advice to those who struggle with depression or anxiety as a teenager would be: don’t give up. I know it sounds cheesy, but things will get better. I think it’s important to keep yourself active. You could get into sports like basketball, netball or swimming, or find free workshops around your area. But remember to not overdo it—if you feel like you need a break from reality, have a “me” day, where you can relax and do the things that bring joy to you.

I believe we were all given life for a reason. To young people who might be struggling me, I think it’s important that when things are getting too hard, you take it easy and have a day off.

To parents and adults, I would say that you shouldn’t always assume that young people are just going through a mood. Try to put yourself in that young person’s shoes, have a light conversation with them and let them say how they feel.

Atlanta Sonson-Chapman 18, a spoken word artist and performing arts student in Hackney, London. She wants to raise awareness about mental health issues and is also a member of Young Urban Arts Foundation Youth Team (YUAF). One of Atlanta’s poem ‘Dreams’ features in ‘Rethink the Rainbow’ a unique collection of real experiences, compiled to raise funds for four U.K. grassroots charities, including YUAF where Atlanta is part of the youth team.

All views expressed in this piece are the writer’s own.